So a new study shows that waiters double their tips when they mimick their patrons.
I'm always so glad to know where research funds are going to.
According to Reuters Health just this week, for instance, there are already several studies showing that acne causes stress.
Thank goodness. Because without these invaluable studies, those of us who have ever experienced acne might not know whether to enjoy a good dose of angst along with our breakout.
But still, scientists didn't know for sure whether the reverse was true. Yes, acne makes us a bit upset. But, will being upset increase our chances of breaking out? They needed to know.
And I'm sure none of my friends, family or the children of my friends and family could have ventured an educated guess at this burning question.
And so, as should have been done long ago, a team of experts studied college students. Guess what they found? Stress increases acne. Thank god that conclusion is now supported by hard science. I, for one, feel completely validated. The next time I go into long-term hiding because of a nasty little zit, I'll have solid support for my position.
By the way, these results are published in the Archives of Dermatology. I have a subscription, of course, if you'd like to borrow my copy.
Another recent study has shown that frequent masturbation helps prevent prostate cancer. I guess I don't really need to know too much about the clinical protocol used to test that particular hypothesis. I'm just relieved that experts are exploring every avenue in the campaign to prevent cancer. I'm sure they find this particular work very satisfying.
So, anyway, I really do appreciate the research regarding waiters.
Because I'm thinking about the service business.
Not because I'm looking for a job. As far as I know, I don't need one.
But I like this idea of utilizing basic service principles in dating. Why not increase the number of guys who want to eat in my section? So to speak.
So, the report reported the following:
Waiters who repeated back the patrons orders were tipped twice as much as waiters who responded to orders with any other follow up.
I am so on this.
My date: "Since I started lifting weights, I feel really big."
Me: "So, you feel really big since you started lifting weights, right?"
I can so do this.
And waiters who introduced themselves by name also made out much better. So, from now on, I'm divulging my name. No more being just another mystery meat. From now on, I'm starting out every date by saying what my name is. I just have to learn it, that's all.
Personalizing their appearance was a major factor in waiters increasing tips too. The report suggested a funny necktie, flowers in the hair, a unique piece of apparel or a crazy hat.
So far, I've just been relying on cleavage. How stupid of me.
But I've seen Office Space so I understand all about the importance of flare.
I'm thinking of getting some buttons. I like the kind that say "My black lab is smarter than your honor roll student."
Or maybe I'll just wear a funny tie that fits inside the line of my cleavage. Are ties skinny now or wide? I'll have to watch the Style channel.
The report also suggested that waiters try sharing a joke or playing a game with their customers. I'm think I'd better skip this one for now. Too many guys say they're finished with babes who play games. This particular strategy could really backfire.
But the best tip by far - the best increasing tips tip - is about crouching. Waiters who crouch....man, they kill! They really bring in those tips. Double or even triple the other waiters' tips.
By the way, I'm supposed to be saying servers, but I just can't. Ever since my last trip to Houstons, I can't figure out the difference between hosts, waiters, servers and other persons wearing black and white and discussing my food. Then again, I get so confused while I'm there, I probably tip 60 percent. But don't worry. I don't tip on the tax.
So anyway, even while I'm typing this, I'm crouching.
Just for practice.
I realize that crouching will limit my dating outfits. No more microminis. Not unless I want that other kind of date.
No, I'm thinking that stretchy pants or maybe loose pants are best for the crouch. Not ultra low rise, though. Don't want to share too much info on the backside.
Maybe the crouch indicates you're getting more personal. Like touching the person's arm.
Maybe the crouch says "I'm here for you."
Maybe the crouch means you're getting on the other person's level. Coming down to where they are. Seeing eye to eye.
All I know is that the crouch is where I'll be on my future dates.
So, let's see.....with my cleavage, a good crouch and some super mimick action, I should be bringing in some good tips. I mean, getting some better action.
The report's final finding was the measurable benefit of giving after-dinner candy to the patron.
I think I'll hold out on that one for now. I definitely want better action and bigger tips.