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Bootylicious

Wow. What a weekend.

I need a weekend to recover from the weekend. It was just one big luscious sexfest.

Oops. Thinking of somebody else's weekend.

My weekend was a weekend of firsts.

My first first was trying Kellogg's Double Chocolate Pop Tarts' Snak Stix.

This is what happens when you go to 7-11 because you're too lazy to drive the extra mile to a grocery store.

Let me save you the trouble of self-exploration. Stick with cinnamon and blueberry. I'm not a chocolate person, so maybe it's just me. But I thought they kind of sucked.

Which is a nice way of saying they're just really truly awful.

Another first: my maiden voyage to Kids r' Us...or maybe that's Kidz. Somehow, the typed name just doesn't look like the sign on the store. But whatever.

So Kids r' Us is pretty amazing. It's a whole world that I don't live in. Kind of like the world of Nascar. I just haven't ever lived there. I don't even visit. Although it's my understanding that it's a highly popular world where lots of folks reside.

So I enter this foreign space. Trying to look like I might have kids.

Right.

Kids r' Us is all about tiny clothes. And big crying. My two favorite C's. And there are giraffes all over the place. Very strange.

But Kids' r Us doesn't have baby gates. So they sent me all the way next door to Toys r' Us.

Oh man. The crying in Kids r' Us is nothing compared to the endless screaming and screeching and whining and sobbing in Toys r' Us. I was ready to buy anything for any child in there if they would just stop.

But I got my baby gate. Me and a very pregnant lady with a very full cart bought our first baby gates.

I'm sure the clerk was ready to report me to social services when I told her I didn't care about or need a gate with safety features. I hope I told her the baby gate was for Boo and not for some child teetering on the dangerous edge of falling down steps or zooming into rooms filled with dangerous adult things.

But I may not have.

And it's not my fault either. I was numb. Dazed and confused. In a walking coma induced by the din of noises emitting from all these tiny creatures who seemed to be taking over the store. The combination of babies and giraffes just really did a number on me.

But I did get my gate.

And it even came with a coupon for five dollars off.

Happy day!!

My first experience standing in a Toys r' Us checkout line was also quite interesting. Two kids, two adults - a dad-looking guy and a grandpa-looking guy - one very teary meltdown and one incredibly quick save by Skittles.

Am I imagining things or do four year olds cry projectile tears? I have never seen such big balls of water fly out of a child's face. That little kid has some good water pressure going on.

And, thank the great Toys r' Us gods....Skittles to the rescue!!

My first lesson in child management. Buy Skittles.

When the child was presented with peanut m&m's, she just kept crying. Something about leaving her puzzle at mommy's house. It was high drama.

But when the peanut m&m's were traded for Skittles in their little purple pouch, the tears dried up instantly and a smile appeared.

It was magic. I was touched.

And I needed a nap.

I was also touched when the dad-looking guy went out of his way to inform me that he was the uncle, not the father. I wanted to tell him that trying to pick up hot babes in Toys r' Us is probably illegal if not merely immoral. But there were children present. I just smiled.

Another first: my first Vienna trip to McDonalds. That was good. Service with a smile. Lots and lots of napkins. All good.

And, of course, I had my first official "take the wrong turn" experience.

Now those are always fun.

The firsts of this first weekend in Vienna just go on and on.

I found my first pair of goggles that actually suction around my eyes without causing severe face pain. And not one leak. Not even one. Major first.

And, my first time doing a session's worth of flip turns without turning around too late or too early. And no toe scrapes today. Major firsts on both counts.

And tonight, my first Boo cuddle in the new place.

Aaaaahhhhh.....

I had put off moving for a long time because I hated the idea of Boo's transition to a doggy house being painful.

Last summer, the ex-soulmate and I babysat a dog. The dog belonged to a friend of a friend of a friend. We're not sure how we ended up with the dog. Anyway, the dog was rambunctious to say the least. At six months old and 100 pounds, the dog didn't realize her power when she bounded around the house barking up a storm.

Poor Boo. He just didn't know what to do. For days, he just hid. Completely out of sight. It was a bad bunch of days.

So I envisioned Boo hiding for months in the new Vienna basement. Scared of every noise he heard. Too scared to eat. Too scared to poop.

And I had an awful feeling that it would be years before Boo would be calm and secure enough to cuddle with me again.

But, as luck would have it, Boo's doing great!

When Emma's sleeping, Boo explores the house. When Emma's awake, Boo just hangs in the family room waiting for Emma to visit.

Emma's visits are tiring but pretty funny. She circles the family room over and over again trying to get closer to Boo without Boo noticing.

Boo, in the meantime, has become quite the little master of his domain. He rules the family room and he knows it. He's been sitting on various shelves and tops of cabinets just watching Emma. Shifting his head back and forth in rhythym with Emma's circles and the crowd's heads at the US Open.

When Boo gets really cocky, he comes down to the floor and sits under the big green chair where Emma can get close enough to drive herself wild. When she gets too close, Boo calmly hisses and Emma jumps way high.

It's funny. Now that it's clear these two can coexist without injury, it's actually funny.

Emma, meanwhile, has given up on her whining and crying. Now she just paces. And her pacing, as of this evening, is getting slower.

All a good sign, I'm thinking. A few more days and they'll both just nap near each other. I hope.

But Boo's doing well. Liking his new digs, I think. Liking the many open windows before which he sits and watches the world. Liking the cabinet so high his little Boo head touches the ceiling when he jumps up there. Liking the bench he snoozes on next to me while I'm vegging on the sofa.

And - stop me if I cry - Boo dragged his first fleece to the front door today.

I'm sorry. I need a moment.....

It's all a first. And it's all good.

And tonight, for the first time in Vienna, Boo finally came to me and crawled onto my lap for good old Boo cuddles. Later he climbed up on my stomach where he likes to sleep. As always, he readjusted his little Boo body until he was laying on my chest. He pushed his head against my chin, forcing me to give him a slew of kisses on top of his head. He's a sucker for kisses.

A first in our new life.

And it's really good.

On my first weekend in Vienna, I realized I'm just four miles from my favorite coffee partner, three and a half miles from a really good Starbucks, three miles from my favorite pool, two miles from the highway and one mile from the W&OD or CVS.

The whining is over, the miles are few, the Boo kisses are plentiful and I found the closest Subway.

What more could a girl want?

Maybe just one more thing.

Maybe a luscious sexfest in the new location....

Or maybe just six inches with everything but hots from my new Subway....
 


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