It was right around the time that the love of my life and I discovered that love was just not enough.
It was right around the time that Boo and I began sleeping on the first floor while he slept on the second.
And it was right around the thaw of the snow that I began to experience NetFlix failure.
Now failure's never fun, for sure. But failure at NetFlix? It's just plain pitiful.
We had begun our NetFlix relationship together. We were a few years into our regular relationship when NetFlix came out. We joined and were awed by the quick turnaround and magical power of keeping a queu.
With NetFlix, I could order all the indies I wanted. And he could order all the space documentaries he craved. I ordered lesbian art shlock and he ordered blurred footage of missions to Mars and Kilimanjaro and the North Pole. I was art. He was fact.
Together we avoided mainstream movies and chick flicks.
Together we shunned Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts and movies involving talking animals.
Together, we created the perfect and balanced juggling of three at a time.
With NetFlix, we could have three DVDs in our possession at any one time. And we quickly realized that the turnover for new DVDs was a mere 72 hours. By the time we finished a DVD, a new one was en route for the next day's viewing.
We were good. It was just us and our private little DVD threesome.
But then we parted ways and I put NetFlix on hold.
NetFlix was so sweet. They asked me why I was taking a break and I told them:
"I lost my NetFlix partner..."
They encouraged me to come back anytime I wanted.
I love NetFlix.
And I could kill myself.
As independent and free-spirited as I was, I needed a partner in order to be good at NetFlix. I just couldn't maintain that rotation alone. More importantly, I didn't want to maintain the rotation alone. A threesome without a special buddy just isn't that compelling.
At least not for me.
And so it was that I held my future NetFlix renewal up as my new standard. I would know I was in love when I reactivated NetFlix. I would know I was in love when a DVD threesome looked appealing again.
I knew the score.
But then I made a mistake.
I found somebody good.
Even when I thought I'd never find somebody good again, I found somebody good.
He may even have been better than good.
Call it a rebound. Call it stupidity. Call it bad timing.
Call it whatever you want, but I missed out on a good thing. I had him and I loved him and I liked him a lot too. But for some reason, I was skittish.
I just couldn't bring myself to be one hundred percent with him. Even though being with him was pretty close to one hundred percent good.
And the thing is that I knew I was creating barriers. I knew I wasn't going out of my way for him, the way I was capable of doing for someone I love. I knew I wasn't expecting the best or even hoping for the best.
And I knew that refraining from engaging in NetFlix was a bad sign.
But I justified holding back in a million ways.
I said that we were both too fresh out of serious relationships. I said that I could concentrate better on a relationship when I had decided where to live. I said that I needed time to just be.
And I thought all of those things were true.
And maybe they were true.
But they weren't smart.
It's just not smart to put a good person on hold while you're working out your stuff. Because you always have stuff. And sometimes, while you're working out your stuff, that person gets called upon to move on.
I said that I'd wait to reactivate NetFlix until this or that, blah blah blah.
And I justified my NetFlix aversion so very easily.
He, after all, had a NetFlix membership.
But you know what? I didn't participate in his membership. I withheld.
Instead of communing to fill and order his queu, I passively asked what movies he had in his possession.
Instead of suggesting that we order this or that, I passively sneered when his picks weren't good.
Instead of being in a NetFlix relationship with him, I held NetFlix against him.
I'm sure he still has NetFlix. And I'm sure his relationship with NetFlix hasn't suffered my absence. There's actually a good chance he's flixing with somebody else. As he should.
And so I've reconsidered my own flix status. And just in time.
Boo and I are moving soon. We're moving in 34 days, to be exact.
And we're not withholding this time.
Sure we got stuff we're dealing with. I suspect we always will. Especially the Boo-ster.
But Boo and I aren't skittish anymore. And we're not withholding. We're ready for a new threesome and we're even prepared to do some cooking - or microwaving - to encourage its developing.
Tomorrow, Boo and I are picking up a new DVD player. Although it might just be me doing the picking up. Boo still isn't that good of a partner when it comes to Circuit City. He chases every wire he sees.
And on September 28th, we'll re-up with NetFlix and fill our new queu. Which means we'll receive our first round of three on October 1st. In our new place.
I assume that we'll start with a few indie-artsy-lesbian type flicks. We've been in Vienna. We've got a lot of alternative culture to catch up with.
But I'm hoping it won't be long before a new 'somebody good' takes a look at our queu and rolls his eyes and smirks a smirk and requests that we add some stuff we wouldn't have thought to choose.
And we'll add the stuff of 'somebody good'...
Because love might not have been quite enough.
But we're moving. And we're moving on. And somebody good plus a healthy rotation of three may very well just cut it this time.