"Oh wow! This weekend's Valentines Day! I'd better have some major feelings and make some major decisions about my relationships so I can make the necessary declarations of love! Good thing I looked at my calendar! Almost missed it! Whew!"
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not entirely unsympathetic to the needs of people to experience joy and that wonderful rush of feelings you feel when you look at someone and can't believe they're yours.
I get that. I may be cold and heartless, but I'm not oblivious.
And I imagine there's a number of individuals out there who just so happen to be feeling that joy and great rush of feelings on or around February 14th.
But really, how large could that number be? I mean what are the odds? There are 365 days in a year. Hopefully, most of those days are fun days. But what if February 14th just happens to fall during a time of great stress in your life? Maybe you and your chosen haven't been having great rushes lately. Maybe you haven't been having anything lately.
What if February 14th just so happens to fall after the weekend you took your chosen to an old friend's wedding and realized that he or she has nothing in common with any of your favorite people?
What if February 14th falls after your shitty break up in January?
Well then, I guess you're not having so much fun on February 14th.
It seems to me that Valentines Day is just a big dumb matter of luck. I won't even address the issue of Hallmarkism. I won't even cite the numbers supporting the fact that V-Day is the biggest $-Day for many marketers, restaurants and businesses. That's all been done before.
My point is different.
Let's say you accept that V-Day is stupid. And that Hallmark and its commercial entourage encourages otherwise normal people to spend vast amounts of money, time and energy trying to overcome their feelings of guilt, loneliness and loserness.
Let's just say - just for the sake of argument - that you know in your Hallmark heart of hearts that V-Day is just one day out of a year and that your real opportunity to show people how you feel occurs every single day and not just on one designated day.
Let's just say all that.
You're still screwed.
Because what are the odds that come February 14th you'll be in a place where you feel those great gushes and rushes of warm fuzzy love?
What are the odds?
Consider my own circle:
Okay, before you consider my circle, let's take a few folks out of the mix. They'll just junk up the analysis.
Let's just take out the two who are in the throes of divorce and custody battles. I know they're both feeling gushes and rushes, but I'm not sure we can refer to it as love.
And let's take out the one who just started seeing someone she doesn't really know very well. I think she's still trying to figure out what kind of food he likes.
And let's take out my numerous friends who aren't really seeing anybody right now. In that group I'll include my friends who haven't seen anybody in quite some time.
And let's take out my friend who has a major trial starting Monday and hasn't seen the light of day, much less his family, in weeks. And definitely take out my best friend who's right now in another country with her father who just had a stroke. There's something about having a medical crisis in a country with socialized medicine that can really distract your heart. And definitely take out my cousin whose mother just died. I think she's kinda busy this week.
I also think we should take out those couple of folks who loudly and publicly proclaim their love and happiness all the time.
Sorry, but I guess it's the lawyer in me. I got that "thou dost protest too much" cynicism. If you're so happy, why are you talking about it and not just being it?
Okay, that leaves me. And Madeline. And Erika.
But you obviously gotta take me out because I'm a V-Day grinch.
For those who don't know me, I could be in the throes of romance hot and heavy and still despise an artificially created "important life moment."
Who knows? Maybe I am in the throes of romance hot and heavy. You'll never know because that, to me, is private. Not the most popular position for one surrounded by nosy family, but my position nonetheless.
So, that leaves Madeline and Erika.
Take Maddy out. Maddy makes me look soft and warm and fuzzy and mushy when it comes to holidays - commercial or not.
So, we're left with Erika.
So that leaves Erika.
Erika's had a pretty intense past year or so. Nothing major: just the regular stuff that interrupts daily life: illness, death, upper management changes, bad training cycles, good training cycles, kids throwing up in the shallow end and forcing closure of the lap lanes.
But Erika's lucky to share her life with someone who's always just happy to be with her. Erika always knows that she loves and that she's loved. And Erika pretty much always celebrates that. Since Erika pretty much likes to celebrate anything.
So, Erika would have been with the one she loved even if it hadn't been V-Day. And she would have declared her love anyway. And received a declaration.
And Erika definitely would have had a delicious dinner anyway. Because Erika and her teddy bear shmoopie poopie are into sharing good dinners.
Erika doesn't need V-Day.
So maybe we can't really use my circle as a focus for analysis.
And we definitely can't use my office either. I work with all guys.
One's married. Been married a long time. No comment.
Another's married and in the midst of a very difficult pregnancy. He spends every day taking care of his wife and worrying about her. I don't think he needs a V-Day reminder.
One guy's doing long-distance. Every visit is V-Day for them.
One guy's not seeing anybody. He's just screwed, Or not screwed.
One guy's pining for someone far away. Or, should I say, he's using someone far away as an excuse to avoid intimacy. Doesn't matter. He visits on every holiday. He likes traveling. Again, here's one who doesn't need V-Day. Unless V-Day means special low fares.
That leaves my two favorites: my office-mates.
Tim and Matt are both pretty young, but both really good guys who genuinely enjoy having a woman around.
Tim takes his woman on a fancy date pretty much every week. They enjoy each other's company and enjoy good restaurants even more.
Tim doesn't need V-Day. Even though he's a good boy who buys the requisite V-Day flowers and chocolate. He's no dummy. Gotta ensure that V-Day love.
But Matt. Matt's the one who I'm concerned about.
Matty is a great guy with a great girlfriend. Matty loves his girlfriend and respects her. And almost every night that Matty visits his girlfriend, he brings her something. Tim and I will be hammering away on Excel and Matty will leave the office only to return in three minutes with a bouquet of flowers.
"Date night!"
That's what Tim and I used to say.
These days we've decided to talk like construction workers, so "date night!" comes out sounding slightly different.
But no matter. Matt shows he cares. Because he does. And he shows it all the time. Enough to make Tim and I feel like pretty bad partners to our respective chosens.
But Matty still bought flowers for V-Day. Damn. I was hoping he'd hold out on the principle that you shouldn't buy flowers just because you're supposed to.
But Matt's a little old-fashioned.
Damn.
But no matter, I suspect that somewhere this weekend someone's enjoying some true and new - or old and rekindled - romance. I don't know who that person is, but I'm sure he or she is out there. With another he or she in tow. I'm sure somebody somewhere benefitted from V-Day.
And I'm happy for them.
But you know what?
I'm happy for any he or she who enjoys some romance or rekindling. Any day of the year. Not just February the 14th.
I guess my question is this:
Who is V-Day for?
It's not for those who have no current love. And it doesn't seem to be for those who always celebrate their love.
And it can't be for those whose love is back-burnered because of normal life circumstance. That certainly wouldn't be logical or fair.
So I guess I'll put V-Day in the kids' category.
Maybe V-Day's just really for kids.
Like Chanukah.
Because it's important that kids learn that no amount of love the other 364 days will make up for whatever you don't do or don't say on Valentine's Day.
But even more so, it's important that kids learn early that no amount of grocery store Valentines in your third grade brown Valentines bag will ever be important so long as the Valentine you really wanted from the kid you really like is missing from the bag.
Yeah. I guess I see it now.
We do need Valentine's Day.
We need Valentine's Day just as much - or even more than - Hallmark needs us.