She's doing great. Her job's cool. Her brother and sister and niece are out there. Ross will join her soon.
All is well.
And I'm down one friend.
Not that this is all about me, but it is kind of all about me. At least sometimes.
The thing is, my best girlfriends are so great and so inconvenient. Madonna (aka Madeline) is in Charlottesville, Missy's in Emmitsburg, Christina's in Adamstown, Gina's in New York and Rhea's in Gaithersburg.
Now I understand that Gaithersburg's not a foreign land. I understand this. But until one of us retires, Gaithersburg limits in-person visits primarily to weekends and Rhea's a weekend warrior. She plans weekend trips that don't involve sofa.
Imagine that.
The other best girls just drive up my cell phone bill. And provide me with reasons to drive.
For a long time though, Erika was a great fit. She always lived close and we both put a high priority on training, coffee and talking to the point where we were revisiting topics we had already settled but just enjoyed hearing what we had decided.
And now she's gone.
And I need a new friend.
But this time I've decided to do a little research before just bringing someone in. Because my needs are very specific. I don't just need someone for laughing or coffee or mutual admiration. I can get that from my sister (in-law).
I need someone who can cut my hair.
Here's the thing: there are people in DC who cut hair for a living.
And they're not my friends.
And I want to change that.
For some reason, my friends tend to work in law or policy or economics or finance or the non-profit sector or politics. And these people are helpful to me professionally. They help me to network. Professionally.
But I don't need that now.
I need someone who can come over and drink coffee or wine and watch some DVDs and hang out and cut my &^%$# hair. Maybe add some highlights.
And believe me. I thought long and hard about what kind of friend I needed before deciding on someone with scissor skills.
I already know someone who can help with taxes, technology questions, computer stuff, car problems and style mishaps.
And I know at least two people who own truck-type vehicles.
I asked the folks at work what kind of "friend with skills" they would want want to add to their life. Just to be bossy and dictatorial, I imposed a rule that they couldn't request a friend with a truck. I just thought that was too easy and didn't require enough thought.
God forbid I give my buddies a thoughtful question that doesn't require enough thought.
Beth immediately requested a dentist friend.
Despite the fact that we'd all enjoy having a dentist friend, we had to disqualify her response on the basis that dentists - to our knowledge - don't do favors. None of us could imagine a dentist saying "come on over and we'll take care of that root canal for you - don't worry about it."
Beth changed her choice of friend to a friend who could write drug prescriptions. I should mention that Beth is not a drug addict. Beth's a good girl. But we could all totally relate. Wouldn't it be nice to get antibiotics for a sinus infectious when it's clear you need antibiotics instead of waiting the three days of referrals of unnecessary doctor's visits for the formalities?
We okay'ed Beth's choice. But I cautioned her to wish for a script-writing friend who was willing. There are a few script-writers in my personal circle who have the kind of ethics that make you feel like a junkie at the mere suggestion of a favor.
Wayne, who was kind enough to be visiting the office that day and updating our website, wanted a friend who plays jazz. Wayne's answer got disqualified. We just thought it sounded funny and odd. We couldn't imagine a friend playing jazz for Wayne. We just encouraged Wayne to join a jazz band.
Connie wanted a friend with plumbing skills. Now that's legit. A friend with plumbing skills is invaluable. Especially at 11 pm on a Saturday night when the bathtub is leaking. A case of beer and a pizza and your problem's taken care of. All you need to do is say "Man, Jimmy saved our lives!" a couple of hundred times at barbeques and parties. But you save thousands of dollars.
Dave, who traveled two whole Metro stops to join us at the office for lunch that day, wanted a friend with airline connections. Someone who could hook him up with airline tickets.
We all agreed that would be good.
And everyone in the room agreed it's good to have a realtor friend.
And a lawyer friend.
Whew.
That makes me permanently popular even though I don't own a truck.
Dave's popularity is set for life. He has a truck. Plus he can fix your car. He says he can do a bunch of other things. I'm skeptical. Only because I'm a skeptical person.
Connie's always popular because everyone wants her to proofread their papers, reports and resumes. Beth's always popular because she always knows what's going on and where it's going on. Nicole's always popular because she plays the counselor role really well; she's a good accessible listener as well as a good advisor.
Years ago I had dinner with a friend who was a scientist. He was in a down period. I was trying to help him think of ways to get involved in the community where he could make some connections with things besides cells. Things like people.
I gave him examples of how I use my skills to make connections. Luckily, lawyer skills are always in demand. I told him how I volunteer to help people write wills or review contracts or whatever. I told him to think about his skills and then figure out how he could offer those skills to others as an invitation to make a people connection.
"I know how to grow cells in a dish."
Man, that was not one of the easier mentoring sessions I've experienced in life.
I think we ended up realizing that he was really good at helping people move. He's always happy to be there early and stay all day and make a run for water or Gatorade or pizza. He's good at carrying boxes or heavy furniture. He's especially good at strategizing on which end of the furniture piece should be taken out first and how the furniture should be tilted to ensure that the rest of the piece follows without major damage to walls or doorways.
So out he went to find out who was moving. And he became the moving buddy whose job it was to hang out and help unpack and become your new friend in your new place.
Whatever.
The thing is we've all got a skill and somebody needs that skill.
And so off I go to find some nice, interesting scissor-wielding girl who needs a new friend. It would help if she reads The Onion or Slate or at least knows to question authority.
If I can't find a hairdresser friend, my second pick is a friend in publishing.
Make that a friend in publishing who's desperate to discover an unknown.