I lived in Bethesda for a long time. It seems like I spent a lifetime there. And that particular lifetime seems like a lifetime ago. I don't miss Bethesda one bit even if was a place where some good stuff happened.
Boo grew up in Bethesda. Boo Radley, to be proper. Named for the silent, shy, unassuming hero in To Kill A Mockingbird. The funny thing is that I don't remember life before Boo. To me, Boo was always in the Bethesda apartment even if I know for a fact that he wasn't.
When I first got Boo, he was tiny. Just a little ball of black fur with bright green eyes and ears too big for his head. He fit almost completely in my hands. He was too cute for words even though I'm sure I managed to tell people ad nauseum how cute he was.
I had never had a cat. In fact, I had never had any animals. We didn't have pets growing up, so I spent most of my life believing I was scared of cats and dogs. Dogs bit people and cats were sneaky. That was the bulk of my knowledge regarding anything besides humans.
But over the years, I spent more and more time with other people's pets. And over the years I realized how amazing animals are.
When I brought Boo home, I was clueless. I had no idea what to do with him. The food thing was pretty easy as was the litter, but the rest was a mystery. Everyone said you could just leave food and water and the cat would be fine, but that didn't seem quite right. Boo was this eensy teensy adorable bundle of personality. He just wanted to jump around and play. I couldn't imagine ignoring him.
So I treated Boo like a child. My day revolved around Boo. When I went to work in the morning, I was leaving Boo. When I returned home at night, I was coming home to Boo. I cuddled with the Booster, played with him, talked to him, made faces for him and generally obsessed about his complete and total happiness. When I sat down, I'd call for Boo to join me. When I walked to another room, I'd call for Boo to follow me. Before long, Boo and I had a routine.
Boo never had a chance. He never realized what his true feline nature should have been. He never had an opportunity to be aloof the way a cat's supposed to be.
From day one, Boo became a loving, feeling, dog-like cat. He quickly learned to fetch balls, chasing them down and bringing them back just to drop them at my feet so I could throw them again. If I didn't throw the ball fast enough, Boo would pick up the ball in his mouth, hop up on the sofa and drop it in my lap. He was very smart that way.
Then Boo learned hide-and-seek. Boo would crouch behind the sofa or a door. I would sing "Where's Boo-Boo" about fifteen times...enough that even I thought the whining baby-talkie voice coming out of my head was annoying.
But after about fifteen rounds of "Where's Boo?", Boo would JUMP OUT from wherever he was. Then he would run back to crouch again and start the game over. It was pretty funny.
These days Boo plays those games and more. He loves being chased. He loves hiding under the sheets and being tickled. And he loves bathtime when he gets to plop toys over the edge of the tub while I'm just waiting to be taken away by Calgon. Boo thinks that's pretty funny.
On Bravo's Inside the Actor's Studio each week, the ever-annoying James Lipton asks each celebrity guest a series of questions. What is your favorite word? What is your least favorite word? What turns you on? What turns you off? What sound or noise do you love? What sound or noise do you hate? What is your favorite curse word? What professions other than acting would you like to attempt? What profession would you not like to do? If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
Of course every celebrity says that the profession they'd least like to attempt is lawyering. And that answer, of course, is always accompanied by a smirk. But Kim Basinger would like to try driving an 18-wheeler. Matthew Broderick would like to try construction.
As for the other answers, they're always quite chic and smart.
Ellen Barkin's favorite word is "serendipity". Sissy Spacek's: "yes". Christopher Walken-Psycho's: "lunch." Of course.
Ethan Hawke's biggest turn off is people. Perhaps those are the people who didn't buy his book. Soggy pretzels turn Meg Ryan off but "absolute honesty" turns her on. Julia Roberts is turned on by "precision….someone being able to perfectly define… a thing.…precisely."
Ben Stiller hates the sound of call waiting.
Gabriel Byrne's least favorite word is 'loser". Meryl Streep's least favorite word is "edgy". Sean Penn's least favorite word is "smell".
Melanie Griffith's favorite word is "exponential". I can only assume she's referring to Antonio when she uses that word.
I used to wonder how much thought celebrities gave in preparation for the James Lipton list. I imagined them working hard for days pre-interview to come up with more absurd answers than the celebrities before them.
As for me, I only had natural answers to two of the questions. I knew in my heart that my favorite word was grace. Recently, though, my favorite word has changed to fragile. Sometimes, my favorite word is peace.
And I knew what I wanted God to say when I got to heaven. I wanted God to say "Your Grandmother's right over there waiting for you...."
As for the rest of the questions, a toss up. No favorite this or that. No major turn ons or turn offs. I could never be a Playboy Centerfold.
But then my buddy M called.
And he lamented that his house was a mess. A real mess. Beyond mess.
I suggested to M that he hire a maid. M said that he'd have to clean up before a maid could even get into the house.
I assured M that a maid could do even the pre-maid cleaning. A good maid could do the straightening up necessary to make way for real cleaning.
And that's how I remembered my favorite noise.
Boo loves fleece. Anything and all things fleece. Fleece vests, fleece pullovers, fleece blankets, fleece face masks, fleece hats, you name it.
And Boo has quite the collection of fleece. Basically, Boo has appropriated any fleece which has come into my possession. Ever.
Boo spends his day dragging fleece around. He drags his various pieces of fleece from one end of the house to the other. From the first floor to the second and back.
It's very funny.
Back in Bethesda, though, it was much funnier.
I'd come home from work and be laying in the bedroom. The bedroom was separated from the rest of the apartment by a long hallway. The hallway contained a hardwood floor.
I'd be laying in bed spacing out and eventually I'd hear the sound of a zipper being dragged slowly down the hallway.
Each night Boo pulled the fleece down the hallway and the zipper from the fleece dragged against the hardwood floor. And each night it was as funny as if I had never heard the noise before.
So, why the maid story?
There was a very sweet lady who worked on the cleaning crew in my old office building. She worked as a housekeeper during the day and on weekends to earn extra money for her family. She came to my apartment once every three weeks to do the cleaning I didn't have time to do.
Well, that was the theory at least.
It turned out that she wasn't the greatest housekeeper in the world. She actually didn't like to do the things I wanted her to do.
But she was so nice. And the apartment always smelled so good after she had been there. I never complained.
Basically, the very sweet lady liked to fold things.
So, she would come to my apartment once every three weeks. And she would fold everything in sight. Including the fleece.
I'd come home at night on the day she'd been there and Boo would be completely confused. The house would smell great and his collection of fleece would be nowhere in sight.
No matter how often I tried explaining to her, she just couldn't accept that Boo's fleece collection actually belonged in heaps scattered around the living room and beyond.
Upon my return on cleaning day, I would rescue the freshly folded fleece from its neat pile in the newly organized closet and scatter the fleece around the apartment for Boo.
I may never hear the sound of Boo dragging the fleece down a long hallway made of hardwood floors again. But that's okay. Where we live now, Boo can sit on the deck and talk to the birds. And that's pretty funny too.