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See Jane %#!*&

I love Sex and the City.

Let me just make that clear.

But, I have to say, I think I'm the ideal audience for Sex.

I've lived a normal girl life:

In my life, I've hated myself, I've tried to change myself, I've realized there are certain things you can't change, I've learned to like myself and then I ultimately learned to love myself.

In my life, I've given too much power to men, to the media and to anyone else with an opinion about my mind, my body or my life choices. And I've gained back control of that power.

And, luckily, in my life I've loved. And lusted. And acted on both.

And so I understand Sex and the City.

But for me, the ins and outs - and ins and outs - of the four babes' lives aren't an education. And certainly not a model to follow.

For me, watching the fab four experience all aspects of male/female use and abuse is just a funny, endearing reminder. Of where I've been and where I am. And how I got here.

But I know Sex and the City also has a large market of girls - and boys - who haven't yet been there / done that. And I think it's a shame.

Luckily, not every kid has access to HBO.

For those kids who don't, they can tune into the alternative....the Family Channel.

I had the opportunity recently to watch a Family Channel original movie called See Jane Date. The premise of the movie was intolerable, but the girls in the movie were inarguably adorable.

Jane, the movie's star, is going to be a bridesmaid at her cousin's wedding. And Jane will do anything to meet a guy who she can present as her boyfriend at the wedding.

In the year 2003, the movie's message is antiquated at best. Unforgivable otherwise.

Do girls really still feel they need a guy by their side in order to make public appearances? And do those by-your-side-guys really need to fall into the boyfriend category?

How awful.

How awful for the little girls I haven't yet raised.

Well, Jane goes on a dating campaign. A campaign to find the amazing guy who will not only be her immediate boyfriend, but also be the kind of boyfriend who agrees early on in a relationship to attend a yucky fancy family function.

Yeah, right.

As you can imagine - and as you probably could have written yourself - Jane goes on lots of lousy dates.

One guy is your basic immature bozo, one guy's your basic drunk. You got your basic liar, your basic gay-but-not-admitting-it guy and one guy's just boring or something equally forgettable.

What a totally funny movie!

The problem is that the movie's main characters are adorable and charming and likeable. Jane and her friends are girls we all know. Or want to know.

But the bigger problem is that Jane finally meets a guy she's interested in.

And Jane, who we all know or want to know, brings the guy home to stay over in her bed the first time she meets him.

You know, I've done some stuff I probably shouldn't have done. And I've done some stuff I regret. And I've definitely done some stuff I don't wish to relive or be reminded of.

And I did all that stuff despite the fact that I grew up watching Little House on the Prairie. And, get this...I watched those dramatic adventures in Plum Creek with my parents. And we all cried together every Monday night when little Laura Ingalls (i.e., half-pint) learned a valuable lesson ending with a big wide-eyed "thanks, Pa" delivered to hunky, but wholesome Michael Landon.

I just can't imagine how much naughtier I would have been if I had grown up on See Jane Date.

The naughtiness I dabbled in was your run-of-the-mill girlie naughtiness.

My best friend and I may have snuck into some older kids' parties only to leave quickly once we had achieved entry. And we may have shoplifted hair barettes once. Or twice. And yes, we may have shared the purchase of one salad bar even though the restaurant policy was clearly one salad bar per customer.

And maybe - just maybe - we kissed boys when we were supposed to be at the library studying.

But jeez!! We didn't get set up on a blind date by our girlfriends and then take the blind guy home.

And we definitely didn't see that happening on television.

I learned about sex - and sexual politics - the hard way. No pun intended.

I learned slowly and awkwardly while getting to know boys. I didn't go into my early dating years with Jane's wisdom guiding my actions.

I have too much on my plate right now to take on the Family Channel. I'm busy fighting other big wars. Like why the "Early Bird Special" at the downtown parking garage costs less if paid daily than a regular monthly parking pass. Can someone explain that genius to me?

Anyway, I'm fortunately beyond the Family Channel. Been there, done that, no interest in doing it again.

And, when I have my own little girls, I'll know better than to think I can assume what the mission of the Family Channel is.

But I would suggest that the Family Channel be renamed - for the benefit of unsuspecting folks who let their kids watch a channel supposedly geared to their interests and needs.

I'd suggest the Maintaining the Dysfunctional Family and Starting Your Own Family Early Channel.

 


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