Written February 2004
Note: Erika moved to Phoenix, which she LOVES. Kakki has two beautiful girls who I LOVE. Angela and Dan and Sydney moved to California to be in LOVE.
I still love Boo. And now I love Addie too. And some other people. And I LOVE my sofa.
Bye Bye Big
Sex and the City premiered in June of 1998.
I can't remember 1998 in particular, although I know I've watched every single episode of SATC at least several times. While there may be one or two exceptions, I'm fairly certain that I watched each and every episode during it's initial Sunday night airing.
It's strange to think of the Sex years as a five year block of time. Since 1998, I've lived way too many lives for it to have been a solid block of time.
In 1998, Kakki - my sister-in-law - had not yet married Brian, my brother. I'm not sure whether they were officially dating at that time or not.
Last night, Kakki sobbed in the living room for a few hours along with me. Kakki's expecting her first baby in a few days. My big brother Brian's gonna be a big daddy.
In 1998, Erika had not yet begun dating Ross.
Last night, Erika sobbed in the living room right along with us. She's in her third year of marriage to Ross. She met Ross back in college. Erika fell in love with Ross in her thirties. And their marriage rocks.
In 1998, I didn't even know Angela. I didn't meet Angela until I moved to Reston. I became good friends with Angela while I lived in Reston. I became even better friends with Angela when I left Reston.
When I first met Angela, she was a single mom. Dad was in the big picture, but not in Angela's picture. I fell in love with Sydney, Angela's very adorable and way-too-intelligent-for-her-own-good daughter. Sydney kept Angela from thinking about her life. Sydney was Angela's life.
A few years ago, Angela brought Sydney along on the girls' annual trip to Handel's Messiah. We all sat quietly for three hours, mesmerized by the music carrying us up and out of our pedestrian thoughts.
At the end of the piece, we all stood and stretched. When you're sitting in the National Cathedral, you don't tend to fidget during the performance. Fidgeting's unholy. And fidgeting's unbefitting the awesome beauty of the Cathedral's lighting and architecture.
As we stood up, we all stretched our tired, Sunday runner's legs. We bent this way and that, getting the kinks out of our stiffened muscles.
As I twisted around to unlock my lower back, I caught the eye of an older woman who had been sitting behind us. She was shocked. She hadn't realized a small child was sitting in front of her. Sydney hadn't made a peep for three hours. What was more amazing was that Angela had never asked little Sydney or told little Sydney to remain peepless. Angela never gave Sydney the "not a peep" look.
Sydney just knew how to hang with her mom and with the girls and enjoy a magical day.
It was a year or two later that Sydney told me her mom was getting married.
There we were in Baha Fresh. Sydney munched on chips and kept us entertained as Angela and I sneaked grown up girl code into the lunch conversation. Sydney told me what she had learned in church that morning and she teased me about shaking my booty. I didn't tell Sydney that booty is butt, not boobies.
And Sydney told me all about Angela's upcoming nuptials. Sydney knew what Angela would wear and how the service would go. Sydney was the littlest wedding planner in Baja Fresh.
And Angela and I laughed. Angela laughed at Sydney's little girl fantasy and I teased Angela about her obsession with meeting a man over 6'2". I wondered how long it would be before the mysterious Mr. 6'2" would make Sydney's dreams of being a flower girl come true. I wondered if I'd ever date a guy who's 6'2".
Last night, Angela sobbed in the living room right along with us. Actually, Angela was our primary supplier of sob supplies. She arrived at the "No More Sex" memorial with a big box of tissues. She arrived just in time. We opened the box before Angela got her coat off.
And, during the very short break in the "No More Sex" pre-final-episode special, Angela shared the story of how she and "Dan" knew each other in the fourth grade. She told how she and Dan just recently reunited at their school reunion and how they're now getting married and making a family.
Sydney will be the flower girl.
Of course.
In 1998, I was just getting into long-distance running. I was definitely running away from some things and I thought I was running toward something.
And running did turn out to be good. Running helped me get rid of some demons and take on more angels. With running, I was lighter and faster. With running, my life was fuller.
And of course, after five plus years, being lighter, faster and fuller has led to the greater benefits. I live my life slower and I live with much less.
In 1998, my heart and my mind were heavy. I was intent on finding happiness. I was intent on being happy.
Last night, I sobbed in the living room along with the crowd. I was surrounded by friends who know that the last five years has consisted of years and months and days and hours. Not a block of time. I was surrounded by friends who understand how long - and how short - five years in the life of a girl can be.
Last night I was surrounded by real girls.
And today I heard the post-game analysis. I heard all about how happy or sad or satisfied or frustrated people were. And I heard how people had anticipated the "Big" ending.
And unfortunately, I heard a perspective I didn't like from someone I generally enjoy listening to. It's not someone I generally agree with, but it's someone whose analysis of events and issues is generally interesting.
This person, who happened to be male, said that the series came down to one thing: all a girl wants is a guy in her life.
When I heard that, I didn't call in. Even though I've been known to call in before.
And when I heard that, I didn't get upset. Even though I've been known to get upset before.
And when I heard that, I wasn't surprised.
It's been a long time since anything's surprised me.
It may even be that nothing's ever surprised me.
It didn't surprise me because I've been fielding Sex opinions for a while. Men - but mostly women - who don't watch the show have wondered what I see in the show. How is it that I can relate to four women who nobody could relate to.
I've been asked what it is that these four women have that makes them appealing or interesting or real.
I haven't engaged in those conversations too much. Explaining to somebody what four women have that's appealing or interesting or real is kind of like explaining why kissing is an activity that people engage in.
If you don't get it, then I probably can't make you understand what other people see in it.
If you haven't experienced it, I probably can't explain why you might enjoy experiencing it.
It's true that four out of the four women ended up with a man. And it's true that I'm completely in favor of women being with men.
But for those of us who lived Sex and the City for five years, the show wasn't about the fact that the four women all ended up with men.
The show was about four women who evolved. Four women who changed - in ways they didn't expect and in ways they couldn't have anticipated. Four women who changed - changed on purpose and changed involuntarily.
The show was about how four women came to know themselves better and to love themselves better.
One way or another, there would have been men. For women who enjoy life and love, there are always men. Maybe for some women there are women instead of men.
It doesn't matter. The point is that the show began with four women who enjoyed life and attracted men because they were appealing and attractive and fun.
Five years later, the same four women weren't chasing happiness or fighting unhappiness anymore. And so it that five years later, the four women ended up with better men. Men who are better with them, better because of them and better for them.
In 1998, there were men in my life.
Five years later, the men in my life are better.
Because I'm better.
And because I'm no longer chasing happiness or fighting unhappiness.
If you don't get it, I can't explain it to you.
So I'll just say two things:
First, if you don't get it, don't buy or rent Sex and the City ...you won't like it.
Second, when Angela met Dan in the fourth grade, he wasn't 6'2"...
And Dan's still not 6'2" today.
And I don't think Angela's noticed.
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